Why Are You SO SENSITIVE ?!

We are sitting in a circle. Around twenty of us. Someone is talking and everybody starts to laugh including me, although I didn’t really hear the joke. Only four more people and it’s my turn….

We are doing an “ice-breaker” exercise. “Just a few sentences about why you are here and what you expect from today’s workshop” …

Three…

If I manage to get the first sentence out, then I’ll calm down.

Two…

A deep breath in… but not too loud so that others don’t see

One…

Breathe out very slowly … and smile…

Go!...

I did it! The smile hurt a bit and I don’t know whose voice it was. It sounded nothing like mine, but I got the words out! It’s over and I look to my left at the next person. It’s her turn. I can relax now. Wow! She makes it look so easy. Is everybody still looking at me? Can they see my heart pounding through that shirt? Has my face gone red?...

Does it always have to be this hard???

It was a great party. We were all comfortably sitting on the floor, playing cards. Laughing and feeling relieved after the final exams, we were looking forward to the summer break. Then… one of my friends made a joke and called me a giraffe – referring to the obvious fact that I am very tall. Everybody laughed… I knew nobody wanted to hurt me and it was just a silly teasing. My logic screamed : “Just chill and let it go”. But I was already fighting tears. It ended up with a secret, quick cry in the bathroom and the need to re-touch my make up…

What is wrong with me???

I was looking forward to the business networking! A lovely venue, filled with likeminded people, great conversations, snacks, and free coffee! Two solid hours of chatting, exchanging ideas, creating connections, and having fun. I left the place highly motivated and energized! This is going to be a good day. So many emails and follow-up messages to send out. So many inspirational ideas that I couldn’t wait to put in motion. But by the time I got home, a strange but familiar feeling came over me. Instead of writing follow-up messages, I threw the collection of business cards on the table and told my husband to leave me alone (how dare he ask how the morning went?!). I felt irritated. I felt I needed to be alone. I felt EXHAUSTED!  It took me a two-hour nap to get over two hours of being surrounded by people.

Am I asocial or do I simply lack vitamins???

What are your stories?

When did you realize you were more sensitive than others? That having to speak in front of a group seemed more difficult for you than it seems to others? When was the first time you had to leave a group of friends to have a secret cry in the bathroom? And when did you start noticing that interacting with people (even when you are having fun) simply drains you and you need time to recover?

What else have you noticed?

And how many times in your life have you heard: “Why are you so sensitive?”.

How often do you ask yourself:

“Does it always have to be this hard?”, “What is wrong with me?”, “Am I asocial?”, “Why am I so tired?”

Growing up with those questions made me believe that there indeed was something wrong with me. I knew that I was more sensitive than most of my friends, but I was convinced it was just another of my flaws.

It took me years of self-discovery, therapy, two psychology degrees, and coaching practice to fully (almost) understand that having a sensitive (or highly sensitive) nervous system (yes! It isn’t you; it is your body!) is not a fault, a flaw, or an illness. It is a normal psychological trait that around 20% of our population is born with. It isn’t a response to a trauma or a negative emotional experience, but unfortunately, it makes us more responsive to such events and more vulnerable in a stressful environment.

The only thing you need to heal from is the negative past experience – NOT YOUR SENSITIVITY.

Our sensitivity is a superpower that makes us great thinkers and creators. We are the designers, the innovators, and the dreamers. We see things that others ignore and find solutions when others fail. But often choose not to speak up. We are the witty and the funny type, but often keep it for the closest circle. We are the ones who connect deeply and build authentic relationships but often avoid them so that we don’t get hurt.

It is time to stop hiding and stop hurting. it is time to show up and thrive!

Your sensitivity is not an obstacle but a key to a fulfilled life! And once you learn how to use it…, come back here and share your story!

My name is Kasia Nissanka and I help highly sensitive people thrive at work and in life. If your sensitivity is your biggest obstacle, get in touch and we will figure out how to turn it into your biggest superpower! : https://www.kasianissanka.co.uk/contact